Louisa’s First Kiss is a YA story.
Rolling a joint is much harder than I thought it would be. I was trying to balance a book on my lap and rolling papers and the weed I stole from my big brother. I locked myself in the bathroom, listening to every sound that could be my parents coming home early, or my brother realizing his bag was looking a little thin.
I looked at the pile of torn wrappers to my right. How was I so bad at this? I had an A in AP physics? I took another pass at the piles in front of me, trying to get all the stems out so they would stop ripping up the paper. My fingers felt fat and clumsy. This was a bad idea.
“This doesn’t look like the ones in the movies,” Lexi said as we sat on a log in the in the woods together. Lexi lived down the hall from me. She was pretty and smart. Each time we talked, I found myself volunteering things I had no business volunteering. Like the lumpy joint she was now holding. I went through an entire box of wrappers, finally managing to pull something together on the last one, just as my parents came home. I hid the joint in my pencil bag which I shoved deep inside my backpack. I kept the backpack between my legs for the hour-long drive back to boarding school. We needed to smoke this today; there was no way I was holding onto this any longer than I had to.
“Sorry.” I stammered. “My brother had them all pre-rolled, and I just grabbed one.” I lied.
“You go first.” I pulled out the lighter I stole from the Seven-Eleven where we stopped for gas; there was no way I could explain that purchase to my mother.
Lexi lit the tip, and a flame sparked up the paper tail. She pulled it away from her face, lifted one eyebrow to me, as if to question everything she knew about me, and then tried again. She coughed so loudly birds left their nests in trees. She passed the joint back to me, she was right, this was nothing like the movies. The flame was burning unevenly, running up one side of the joint. The paper was on fire, but the pot wasn’t really. There was a faint pink outline of where her lipstick had rubbed off. I held it to my lips and relit the tip. I took a slow, deep breath and held it in. I closed my eyes and held my breath for as long as I could. When I opened them, Lexi was looking at me. Her eyes were wide open, surprised that I wasn’t coughing like she was. I slowly exhaled.
“Do you feel different? I don’t think I feel different yet.” She said. I was feeling different. I was feeling strong and confident. I handed the joint back to her, watching her lift it to her lips. She took a tiny breath and coughed again.
“Give it back to me. I’ve got an idea.” I took the joint back, took a deep inhale, and before I could hold it in, I leaned into Lexi. My hand went behind her head, my fingers sliding in at to the curly mass of brown hair at the base of her neck. I brought my lips to hers. I could feel her pink lipstick, soft and shiny, press into my lips as she relaxed opened her mouth and let me blow the smoke into her directly. When my lungs were empty, I let go of her head, I pulled back my hand and leaned away from her.
Lexi exhaled quickly, coughing, but not nearly as bad as before. I took another drag as I watched her. Lexi closed her eyes and leaned back on the log she was sitting on. I could see that she was starting to feel what I was feeling. The pressure of being a straight A student at a competitive all-girls boarding school lifted off of us.
“Do that again.” She said, breaking me out of my bubble.
“Happily,” I repeated the steps, the inhale, holding the smoke, my hand to the back of her neck, my lips on hers. Just as I was about to pull back, Lexi’s hand rose to meet my cheek. She pulled her head back while holding mine in place. She exhaled and then, she leaned back into me. Her pink lips were on mine again, this time she was kissing me. Gently at first, her hand firm on my cheek. I let her explore, her lips moving to my cheek and my neck. After putting in all the effort to get here, I surrendered to her and let her take charge, my body relaxing until I heard sounds in the distance.
“Do you hear that?” I whispered between kisses.
“Shh.” She replied, her lips moving back to mine.
“No, listen” Suddenly the sounds grew louder, like an army marching through the forest. And then I saw it; the cross-country team came running down the trail we had sneaked off. We both froze.
“I got to go,” Lexi said, jumping up. “I can’t be caught out here, doing this, with you.” As if this was all my idea. As if I kissed her first. Lexi was running through the woods now, and I was still on the log. I relit the joint and finished it before the cross-country team came back around, but not before realizing I really liked kissing girls.